Lost
by Tahiri Solo
Summary: Hermione's thoughts during book six. Based partly on rumors, partly on things I'm just guesing will happen, and partly on things I just made up.


Lost   
By Tahiri Solo  
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Disclaimer: I do not Harry Potter, or any of the characters, places, or such mentined in the Harry Potter books. They belong to J.K. Rowling. Not me. I am making no money off of this story, and no infringement is intended. Also, if this story bears any resemblance to stories written by others, that is purely coincidental.   
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Hermione Granger was frightened, more frightened that she had ever been in her entire life.   
  
Just two weeks before, she had been cornered by Draco Malfoy - now a loyal Death Eater like his father - in an empty classroom. He'd lured her there by sending her anonymous notes as if they were from a secret admirer, the last one telling her to meet him in an empty classroom late at night, and he would reveal who he really was.  
  
She hadn't realized it was a trap, and gone. Ron had thought there was something fishy about the whole thing, and begged her not to go. They'd gotten into a tremendous row over it, and in the end, she'd told him she wouldn't go.   
  
She'd waited until he went to bed, then snuck off the classroom.  
  
Draco had been waiting for her. He attacked her for over an hour with the Cruciatus Curse. She passed out numerous times, but he didn't have the mercy to let her stay unconscious. He repeatdly woke her to continue his torture, all the while telling her how Mudbloods like her shouldn't be allowed to live, let alone attend Hogwarts. He considered it his duty to "rid the school of such filth".  
  
The attack finally stopped, however, when Ron burst in.  
  
He'd gone to check on her, and when she wasn't in her dormitory, he knew where she must have gone, and went after her.  
When Draco saw him coming, he had fled out of an open window, for fear that Ron was brining reinforcements.  
  
Ron didn't even bother going after Draco. Instead, he'd run to her, to make sure she was okay - or as okay as anyone could be after being so viciously attacked.  
  
Hermione had never been in so much pain. It scrambled her senses, making her afraid and confused. When Ron tried to pick her up to take her to the hospital wing, she;d fought. She finally realized it was Ron, not Draco, who held her, and collapsed in his arms.  
  
She hadn't thought she could be any more frightened than she was that night.  
  
When she woke up in the hospital wing two weeks later, she found she was wrong.  
  
A grim Professor McGonagall had informed her that soon after she had been brought to the hospital wing, Ron and Harry had left the school, presumably to go after Voldemort. They hadn't been heard form since.  
  
Two weeks, Hermione thought desperately, laying on her bed in the Gryffindor girls' dormitory. Two weeks! Why aren't they back yet?  
  
She buried her face in her pillow, trying to hide her tears from any student who might still be up.   
  
A few minutes later, however, she heard a muffled sob from across the room. Someone else was crying. And Hermione had a good idea who that was.  
  
Ginny Weasley.  
  
No wonder. Her own brother was missing, and not to mention the fact that she'd been in love with Harry since her first year.  
  
Hermione raised her head and looked around. Sure enough, there was Ginny, sobbing into her pillow, quietly shaking.  
  
All the other girls were asleep. Hermione carefully tiptoed out of bed and went over to Ginny, laying a hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "Come on, Gin. Let's go down to the common room, so we don't wake everyone else up," she whispered.  
  
Ginny raised her tear streaked face and nodded numbly. Together the two girls made their way silently down to the common room.   
  
Once there, Ginny collapsed into a chair and began to weep, louder than she had been back in the dormitory.   
  
Hermione bit her lip, determined not to cry. Crying meant all hope was lost, and he wasn't going to accept that.  
  
But then she saw Ron's chess set, still sitting on a small table by the fire, just as it had been the night she'd been attacked. As clearly as if they were directly in front of her, Hermione could see Ron and Harry sitting there playing chess, as they so often did.  
  
Then the tears came, quickly, unstoppably, and helplessly.   
  
Hermione fell to her knees, trembling. There was no use hoping they were all right. Yes, Harry had defeated Voldemort several times before, but now he was back to power, and the protection his mother had died to give him was gone. Now Harry was just as helpless as any other teenage boy armed with a wand would be facing the most evil dark wizard in history. Even with Ron to help, there was no hope.  
  
Her two best friends were as good as dead.   
  
She sobbed harder. Losing Harry cut like a knife - he was the closest thing she'd ever had to a brother. Despite Voldemort's ever-growing threat, she'd never even imagined that she could lose him this way. It hurt terribly.  
  
But the thought of losing Ron hurt worse.  
  
He'd been her best friend, her brother, her protector, the person who defended her from Malfoy's cruel insults, and his torture. But even ignoring all that, he'd meant still more to her.  
  
Somewhere, sometime, between his insults and sweet, protective moments, Hermione had fallen in love with him.  
  
Stupid girl! she mentally cursed herself. You didn't even have the guts to tell him how you felt! And now you'll never get the chance, because he's dead! Dead!  
  
She bit down hard on her fist to keep from wailing. Malfoy, if I ever find you, I am going to rip you apart with every single curse I've ever heard about - I don't care if they're illegal or not. If you hadn't hurt me, I could've gone with them, and maybe if I'd been there, they'd be back by now! Or at least I could have died with them, like I should have!  
  
She barely noticed when Ginny slid out of her chair and hugged her. The two girls sat on the cold, hard floor and cried until sleep mercifully lifted them up into its hands.  
  
  
Hermione woke to the sound of someone whimpering: "Harry, Harry, no Harry, don't   
go - he'll kill you . . . please don't go, I need you here . . . don't go, don't go,   
please . . . ."  
  
Ginny was still asleep, and Hermione tried to wake her. Ginny couldn't be roused, however, and continued to whimper in her sleep for Harry to come back. But after several minutes of Ginny pleading with the dream-Harry, the girl suddenly shrieked, and the noise of her scream woke her up.  
  
Ginny sat bolt upright, panting, trembling, and sweating profusely. "He's gone," she whispered to no one in particular. "Harry's gone. Ron. They're all gone. They're not coming back."  
  
Her eyes met Hermione's, pleading. "Are they?"  
  
Hermione shook her head, and burst into tears.  
  
They both sobbed for quite some time. All classes had been cancelled, and their roommates had slipped out to go to breakfast some time earlier, managing not to wake them.  
  
Finally, Hermione managed to stop crying. "You never know," she said, her voice hoarse and raspy. "Maybe they're still alive. Harry's defeated Voldemort more than once before, so why couldn't he now? And plus this time he has Ron there to help. Together, they should be able to make it back. They're probably on their way back right now."  
  
She was lying through her teeth, and she knew it. She knew there was no way Harry and Ron would ever come back, but she tried to give Ginny hope. Ginny was young, and naïve. Hermione wanted to put off her pain for as long as possible.   
  
Ginny stopped crying, and her eyes held a flicker of what appeared to be hope. "You think?"  
  
  
"You never know. I wouldn't underestimate Harry. Look what happened to Voldemort when he did. He got reduced to a bodiless, helpless creature." I hate lying like this, Hermione thought bitterly. But Harry would want me to, to put off her pain for as long as possible. He wouldn't want her grieving like this for him.  
  
Hermione knew that was true. She wasn't stupid, and she had noticed that Harry seemed to have feelings for Ginny. They were both too shy to admit this, but Harry was always very protective of her.  
  
Like Ron used to be with me, she thought, feeling her heart twist painfully.  
  
Ginny wiped her tear-stained face on her sleeve, then smiled. "If anyone can take on Voldemort, it's Harry," she said with confidence. "He'll come back. He wouldn't leave me like this. He'll be back."  
  
Hermione tried to smile back, but found she couldn't. It was all she could do to hold back another onslaught of tears.  
  
Ginny noticed this, and hugged her around the shoulders. "Hey," she demanded. "You were the one who just convinced me not to give up hope. So why do you look so upset?"  
  
"After what - what Malfoy did . . . I - I haven't been much in the mood to be cheerful anymore. That curse hurts, Ginny." What she had said was the truth, she figured. Just not all of it.  
  
Ginny winced, then made herself smile. "Well, if Ron runs into Malfoy on his way to  
You-Know-Who - no, Voldemort - he'll kill him for you. When you were in the hospital wing . . . I've never seen him so mad. And we all know my brother gets mad quite frequently. This was different. He yelled at Madam Pomfrey when she started muttering that she wasn't sure what needed to be done for you; he even yelled at Dumbledore once because he was 'talking too loudly' near your bed."  
"Ron yelled at Dumbledore on my behalf?" Hermione whispered, looking stricken. "The headmaster Dumbledore?"  
  
Ginny nodded. "He wouldn't leave your bedside either. Madam Pomfrey tried to make him leave. He refused and argued until she finally gave in and let him stay." Ginny bit her lip. "It was the strangest thing, Hermione. I've never seen Ron like that before. One minute he'd be yelling at someone, the next minute he'd be holding your hand and stroking your hair, so protective and gentle."  
  
Ginny grinned at her friend. "I overheard him tell Harry that he wished it had been him who'd been attacked, instead of you. He really loves you, Hermione."  
  
Loved, Hermione thought. Loved, not loves! You stupid girl, can't you see the truth when it's right in front of you? They're DEAD! No one's coming back, because they're DEAD!  
  
Ginny's eyes widened, seeing the obvious distress on Hermione's face. "Hermione, what's wrong?" she cried. "Ron'll be back any day now! And so will Harry, and everything will be all right."  
  
No it won't, you senseless git, Hermione thought, and instantly regretted it. Ginny was one of her best friends. It was Hermione's own fault the girl was still hanging to hope. She'd talked her into that herself.  
  
Better keep up the charade. Harry and Ron would want me to.  
  
Hermione forced herself to smile, although rather unconvincingly. "Sorry. I think maybe that curse scrambles your hormones or something.. I know they're coming back. I just want them here now. I keep having nightmares, and flashbacks during the daytime, about the attack, and I want Ron with me."  
  
Ginny smiled faintly. "He will be soon. You'll feel better when he's back. I miss Harry too."  
  
Hermione smiled to smile back, or at least she tried to. She wasn't sure how successful her attempt was. "Go on and eat, Gin. It's getting late, and you need some food. I'll catch up with you later."  
  
Ginny looked at her suspiciously. "Why aren't you coming with me? Some food would do you good."  
  
Hermione shook her head fiercely. "If I ate, I'd just throw it right back up. You go on. I'll be okay." She smiled, more convincingly than before, and waved the girl off.  
  
Ginny hesitated, then left.  
  
Hermione waited until she was a good distance away, then walked over to the table by the fireplace. She sat down at one of the chairs, staring at the chess set.  
  
Looking at it made her want to cry, but she had no tears left. Instead, she merely sighed and traced a finger over the black knight, thinking about the time in first year when she, Ron and Harry had taken the places of chessman in Professor McGonagall's giant chess set. If Ron hadn't been there, Harry likely wouldn't have made it in time to stop Quirrel.  
  
Hermione sighed again when she heard people approaching. She quickly slipped the black knight into her pocket and walked off, wanting to be alone. She didn't go up to her dormitory - there was no chance she'd get to be alone. Instead, she headed up to the Astronomy Tower, where she knew she'd have solitude.  
  
Hermione opened the door leading to the Astronomy Tower, and immediately shivered. There was a strong wind blowing.  
  
Hermione shook her head slightly and walked out, ignoring the cold. Clutching the knight tightly in her hand, she walked over to the ledge and looked down. She'd never realized what a long drop it was.  
  
Hermione suddenly found herself climbing on top of the ledge, toying with the idea of jumping.  
  
But as suddenly as the urge came, it passed. She knew Ron would have slapped her if he saw her, about to kill herself over him.  
  
She quickly scrambled back down, trembling. However, she didn't move back from the edge, but simply stood there, staring down.  
  
Hermione shuddered as a sudden thought of Harry and Ron being tortured by the Cruciatus Curse, as she had been, popped into her brain. She was certain that if Voldemort did it, it would hurt much, much worse than when Malfoy had done it.  
  
At the moment, Hermione wanted more than anything to cry, but she had no tears left. Instead she stood there shaking, and gripping the railing so hard that her knuckles were white.  
  
She had no idea how long she stood there before she suddenly heard a very familiar, very panicked voice form behind her. "Oh my god! Hermione, no! Don't jump!"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes in annoyance, but did not turn around. "Ron, you idiot, I'm not going to jump."  
  
Then suddenly, she whirled around. "Ron?! RON!"  
  
Hermione screamed and ran to him. Ron caught her in his arms, crushing her against his chest. Hermione buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing.  
  
Ron stroked her hair and murmured softly to her, his arms lifting her off her feet.  
  
"Is it really you?" Hermione whispered, scared somehow that it wasn't actually Ron.  
  
In response, he tightened his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Shh, Hermione, it's okay. Everything's okay. It's really me. You know I wouldn't leave you."  
  
Hermione cried helplessly in his arms for some time before getting herself under   
control - she must have had some tears left, after all.  
  
She finally pulled back, gazing up into his eyes. He had a nasty-looking scar going across his cheek, but other than that, he seemed perfectly healthy. "Harry?" she whispered.  
  
Ron grinned. "Harry's here too. He's fine. Voldemort was about to kill us both, but Scabbers - I mean Pettigrew - saved us. I don't know what happened to him afterwards, but I suppose Harry did the right thing in third year by not killing him."  
  
Hermione nodded, trying not to cry again.  
  
Ron stroked her cheek. "Hermione, what's wrong? Are you okay?"  
  
Hermione, without any warning, yanked back from him, and slapped him across the face. "No, I'm not okay!" she yelled. "You and Harry run off without me, and leave me here to think you're dead! And then you come back and want to know what's wrong! Don't you ever do that to me again!"  
  
Ron grinned down at her. "Hermione, I know we hurt you, and I'm very, very sorry. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose, and I promise not to do it again. But Hermione, please, shut up."  
  
Then he covered her mouth with his, and she instantly fell instantly fell silent.  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck, trembling, and kissed him back.  
  
When Ron finally pulled back, his face was as red as his hair.  
  
"I forgive you," Hermione panted. "Scare me as often as you want, as long as you make it up to me like that afterwards."  
  
Ron laughed and pulled her back into his arms, kissing her again.  
  
Hermione sighed. Everything was all right. As long as she had Ron at her side, everything would always be all right.  
  
"I love you, Hermione," Ron whispered.  
  
Hermione smiled. And now things were getting even better. "I love you too, Ron."  
  
  
  
  
A/N: If you didn't like this fic, go easy on me. It's my first real HP fic. If you did like it, however, please review. You don't know how getting reviewed can make an author's day! And plus school just started and I could really use the encouragement!!  
And sorry to all you Malfoy fans, I needed somone to attack Hermione. I thought it might be something he would do. No offense to Draco lovers. I'm actually planning a fic about Draco that doesn't portray him as a bad guy, it just might not be here for a while.   
Also, I am planning a sequel to this. It probably won't be up for a while either, though. Watch for it.  
This story is dedicated to TiGeRsEyEs5567, who emailed me and actually put me on her fave author list!! Thank you sooo much!!!!   
  



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